Scripture Passage: Proverbs 24:3 – “A house is built by wisdom, and it is established by understanding.”
Why do we fight? Where does conflict come from?
Number one, our differences. We are made and created different and we like different things. These are not right or wrong issues, but differences in parenting style and upbringings. We have to learn to embrace those differences.
The second source of conflict comes from our sinful ways. Meaning it’s all about me and when I don’t get my way, I throw a fit. In throwing fits we attack and cause conflict.
Here are a few ways to talk about conflict with your kids.
Reminder: In the midst of conflict always point your energy towards the issues, not the person. This means that it’s my spouse and I verses the problem, NOT me verses my spouse. If the husband wins, you both lose and vice versa. Focus on the issues, not the person.
- Work out how they feel – Talk it over to help the process their feelings. Help them manage those feelings in the moment.
- Talk about wants and needs. What is the differences? Talk through these with them and help them understand the differences.
- Define the problem/issue. Have them verbalize exactly what happened and what they feel.
- Help them find the solution. (Don’t just tell them the solution every time) Allowing them to process and find a solution will help them greatly handle conflict in the future.
Most professionals say that the way a young child is taught to handle conflict will stay with them all of their lives. Meaning, if they learn at four years old how to face conflict, when they are adults they will most likely fight and argue like a four year old.
Conflict is healthy and unavoidable. Help your kids handle conflict in a healthy way so they can represent Christ everyday.
- How did your parents handle conflict or teach you to handle conflict?
- Do your kids argue all the time? Next time try the four points above to help them work out the conflict.