Scripture Passage: James 1:19-20

An NBC News poll conducted recently among a national sample of 3,257 indicated that Americans are basically all furious about something. 68% of us are either angry once a day or multiple times a day.

Were you furious about something this week? Did you lose your temper or hold it in? Have you had an argument with someone more than once in the last month? The reality is that all of us deal with anger. Today’s Bible passage shows us how to deal with conflict and anger in a healthy way.

1. Attentive Listening

Am I giving my full attention? Even when we are multi-tasking we can still only devote our full attention to one thing at a time.
Am I seeking the whole story? If we take the time to really hear where others are coming from, you’ll have more credibility when you bring your thoughts to the table.

2. Responsive Speaking

Ryan and his wife Lana shared “The Seven C’s” to keep in mind when dealing with conflict:

• Don’t Confuse – Address one issue at a time
• Don’t Compare – “Why can’t you be like ____?”
• Don’t Condemn – Beware of absolutes like “You always…” or “You never…”
• Don’t Command – Don’t end by force
• Don’t Condescend – Passive aggressive comments just provoke
• Don’t Challenge
  • “Just try that and see what happens!”
  • “I Dare You!”
  • “I’ll show you what a bad husband looks like!”
• Don’t Continue
  • Don’t burry hurts (showing avoidance)
  • Don’t store up hurts to bring up later

3. Honest Assessment

We do in reality have the ability to limit our anger, but often the solution is more than just faking that we’re not mad. When we allow God to search our hearts, we will often find some deeper underlying stresses or hurts that are expressing themselves in anger.

Discussion Questions:

• Describe how you felt the last time you were speaking with someone and it felt like they weren’t listening.
• Which one of “The Seven C’s” do you struggle with the most?
• Share a time when God has healed a wound or hurt in your life and how it affected your interaction with others.